Urban Place

Okay my story is a urban fantasy/sci fi type story with romance action, comedy, and a little mystery.

Main Characters: Zaria, Lex (short for Alexavier)

Plot: (bare with me because I’m extremely terrible at explaining things and summarizing stuff) Zaria has never had anybody. She grew up in a children’s home in Atlanata and was one of the ones who never gets adopted. She’s 18 now and on her own. Her life isn’t going to well because she lives in the projects and has to work as a maid in a hotel. But all that’s the backstory and not super important. So she decides try to figure out who she is. She’s not interested in starting a relationship with her parents, she just wants to know who she is so she can have some sort of identity. She goes back to the Home and starts doing research. She gets a name of this city called Unknown ( I haven’t come up with a cool original name yet so if you have suggestions that would be nice.) and she decides to search for it. Some creepy old dude (haven’t figured out how they meet) tells her it is located behing the rock wall at Stone Moutain park and she isn’t sure if he’s forreal or drunk but she decides to search anyway. She goes through the wall and Badaboom! She’s in Unknown. She thinks she dreaming because the place is weird and different. (anyways i’m going to try to shorten this by just leaving out details and putting in the major points)
-She finds out she’s a witch and this where I have trouble because I don’t want people to think it’s Harry Potter wannabe or lookalike. Also it’s not just a story with witches/wizards because it will also include or things like werewolves, vampires (not Twiight) and other magical things.
-She moves there and starts college. I also have trouble with this because with the HP plot I don’t want readers to assume it’s like Hogwarts because it will be wayyyyyyy different.
-Makes friends and etc and other stuff you do when you go to college. Gets part time job.
-Falls in love with Lex although she couldn’t stand him at first and they go through a bunch of drama in their relationship.
-Finds out she’s actually the lost princess of city/counrty Unknown who was lost after palace was attacked by Mafia thingy (no name yet)
-Finds out mafia thingy wants to kill her for the pendant she has that has the power to bring back the dead (or something cool and interesting like that but I can’t come up with anything. i’m not really a gothic scifi type so the whole dead thing isn’t my thing so if you have any ideas that would help too.) They want the pendant to take over the country and/or world. They can’t use it because it will only work for the one who rightfully possesses it and the only way they can posses it is if A) she gives it to them or b) they kill her. That’s why they attacked the palace and killed her parents but her dad gave the pendant to her before they captured him.
-Anyways a bunch of other college drama things and the mafia begin to come after her.
-In the end, she mangages to defeat one important member of the mafia which leaves off for sequels and her life is good. (not the mushy gushy happy ending though.)
It’s cool about being honest. I’m trying to better myself as a writer and that means you have to take criticism. That’s why I asked this question because I know some parts are cliched but I need new ideas. It’s kind of hard because pretty much every story idea is cliched or recycled because it’s been done already. Anyways thanks for your help.

Not to sound like I am trash-talking you, and I know I won’t get the best answer because of what I am about to write, but I feel that I have to be honest. It seems like you just jumbled a bunch of plots from different stories together (City of Ember, Harry Potter, etc.) You also seemed to take a lot of cliched ideas (parents are murdered but give her something valuable right before they die, falling in love with the guy you hate, growing up in an orphanage and never getting adopted, lost princess, being hunted down for something given to her that she never thought much of, etc.) Also, the way she discovers the city is kind of weird. Also, you kind of flip flop between real life and magical/sci-fi things. I mean, the mafia hunting down a lost witch princess who lived in the projects, but now lives in a town hidden in a state park? That is kind of confusing.

I know this is harsh, but my advice is to go back to the drawing board. Maybe you could re-use a couple of ideas, but really you need something fresh.

I know people will try to suck up to you and say, "Ohmigod, that sounds soooo good. I so want to read it!", but I feel that I have to be honest. I only say that kind of stuff when something sounds original and exciting, and your story idea just isn’t doing that for me. I really am sorry, but that is just my opinion.

Hope I helped!

♥

Basically my girlfirend and I are in a long distance lesbian relationship. She was straight, but we fell in love. She’s in college in a diff country than me now and weve been together for 2 years. We got into a huge fight recently and she started talking to this guy over the internet who was starting at her college soon, we made up shortly after but this guy kept showing interest in her. He’s now in her city and a few weeks ago he asked her to meet, and kept bugging her to do sexual things with her (hand job, tit job) and she did that twice as well as kiss him. She and I have made up, and I know everyone will agree she shouldn’t have done that (me and her have only had sex with each other, and now she has with that guy) and the guy has had MANY sex partners…she just found out. But anyways, this is wrong I know…any cheating is wrong. We are in love and have a strong connection but this glitch has caused a lot of worry in me. I am staying the summer with her. I’ve met the guy 3 times and I tried to be as nice as possible. He doesn’t know shes with me or has ever been a lesbian because were keeping it quiet and he keeps flirting with her in front of me…she doesnt flirt back and tries to ignore him. The reason why she goes with him is because im her only friend and same with him now. She thinks that shell lose him as a friend if she doesnt spend tme with him..but as I read in his texts to her, he wants her to come to his appt and have sex with him. We both know hes a jerk because I made up 24 fake accounts on facebook to see what hes up to and turns out hes flirted with many of the accounts i made…he just wants sex. She knows that and I know that…he’s bad news, but no one else will be her friend at college except for him. I love this girl very much, we’re best friends as well as in love and I want her to make the right choices, but college is really stressful…I’m trying to understand why she cheated on me…but I would never do that to her…with anyone! I need a METHOD to keep that guy away…whether there’s a "cheating police" service lol that can come to his appt. when shes there and make sure no sexual things happen. ( I know she should speak up…but what if she can’t…I’ve tried to teach her to smack him in the jaw if he asks but she’s too sweet to do that.) Plus I would never hang out with any jerk like him in the first place. Bottom line…I don’t like this guy. I need to get rid of him. He has a gf but he still calls my girl his baby and his "boo" and to give him back rubs and come over (I read his texts…but my gf justs ignores them so he can kind of get the message) She told him tons of times she just wants to be friends…and she DOESN’T ever want to have sex with him. But he just keeps begging and asking and bothering her to a point where she is so stressed out she cries…but she doesnt want to get rid of him as a friend! I need to get rid of him… I NEED YOUR YAHOO ADVICE!!! WHAT DO I DO??? How can I hurt him so bad that he will leave us alone. Remember…I have those 24 fake accounts I can use on facebook…how can I get back at him to teach him a lesson…and to leave us alone. How do I possibly make sure he doesnt pester her when I’m 1000 miles away when I go back home in the fall? I really want to make sure we dont get into a fight again because the first person shell go to to talk to is him. And im sure hes got some disease. This girl does not deserve this, and neither do I. And people wonder why I like women…LOL. I can’t take it! I’m so worried! Someone please help me!!! And my email is el_urban_cupcake@hotmail.com. So if you want to add me so we can talk about this problem, you can. Thank you.

GF, you have to tell your friend how you feel, straight out! The guy needs to know that you are both an item. If he drops her as a friend after finding out that you two are an item and in love, then let him go.

If your gf isn’t prepared to do that then let HER go, because she can’t have it both ways.

You don’t need to hurt him, just be honest with him. If he can’t respect that you and your gf are in love and neither of you want to have sex with anyone else then he’s a dickh**d and blind as a bat.

What I’d do, and this is really, really wild, I’d invite him to watch you and your girlfriend making love. He’ll run a mile, I betcha! If not, well, it could be fun!

So does this make sense to ANYONE from the Seattle area got any idea what this could mean. I had an idea or 2 from the first 2 clues but thats all down hill now. I will share my findings if anyone can help

Clue 1

End here to play Seattle’s annual quest,

Meet hidden red-legged frog in the west.

A stately species with more call than bark,

Naturally admired for its blushing heart.

Clue 2

The silent coast can oft be found,

Leaping in tune with rippling sound.

Coursing in cloister, this much evolved creature,

Hiding beneath when found in nature.

Clue 3
From City’s woodland "Year of the Frog" leaps,

To a temperate locale, via bustling streets.

Feel confident heading down the right track,

No second guessing when the Zoo’s got your back.

Clue 4

Changes from green with just one degree,

Contrary to name, lives not in a tree.

Kids know the Amphibian of Washington State,

Leads a chorus of voices looking for dates.

Clue 5

Settlers leapt in and trees fast fell,

Fragile landscape soon bid farewell.

Urban vigor was built to accommodate,

Once there were more, now two less than eight.

Clue 6

Crabs from the forest met three brothers,

Then pitched to the glow, one after the other.

Told from the totems of ancient descent,

Her tears of protection etch her torment.

Clue 7

The yearn to discover may soon be quenched,

Structure your goal with respect to the French.

The bottom line is your right to reserve,

A soothing place to relax and conserve.

I think clue number 7 is the statue of liberty in Alki Beach. – replica of the one in NY

okay heres the Smith Sisters chain mail sh**.

Just read it and at the end ill explain why its f**king stupid.

Body: don;t stop reading you will regret it!
girl meets a boy on a messenger

crazy1 86: hey baby!!!
h0tNsPiCy91: who is this???
crazy1 86: ur secret admirer!!!!!
h0tNsPiCy91: oh really…. quit lyin! who is this???
crazy1 86: i loved u the first time a stared in your eyes…
crazy1 86: i think about u everyday… you are my dream come true.

crazy1 86: we met once! i dont think u remember tho.

crazy1 86: i cut myself because the pain takes away my feelings of u
h0tNsPiCy91: ..WHO IS THIS!?!?!?
crazy1 86:dont worry…. ill take very good care of you…
crazy1 86 had signed off.

The girl was so scared she locked all her doors and windows. She made sure her room was secured. She wasn’t sure if it was a joke or for real. She didn’t know when he was going to come. The girl was so frightened she decided to sleep with her little sister. Her parents found her dead the next morning. She was completely skinned and hanging in her sister’s closet. The younger sister was also found skinned and dead.

PART 2…
Two years after the Smith sisters deaths, the parents had a baby boy. The girl’s room became a guest room and the little sister’s room where the murder took place became the baby’s room. The baby grew up to be a successful kid. One night he was on the computer and received an instant message.

h0tNsPiCy91: Hey lil bro!!!
2seXay4u: Who the eff is this?
h0tNsPiCy91: It’s your big sis.

2seXay4u: This is some kinda joke, huh?
h0tNsPiCy91: Mom and dad never told you?

h0tNsPiCy91: I died 15 years ago with your other older sister.

h0tNsPiCy91: We were murdered in your room which was once my little sister’s room. She was killed in bed when I was sleeping. I was killed in the closet and skinned to death.

2seXay4u: Quit lying. I never had a sister. If I did my parents would have told me. Whatever. Your stupid.

h0tNsPiCy91: You don’t believe me? Well if you wanna look in your closet h0tNsPiCy91: I carved my name and the time and date I was being murdered. Then I carved my little sister’s name.

h0tNsPiCy91: If you don’t believe me little brother check the internet.

Google on ”Smith sisters murdered anonymously”
h0tNsPiCy91: I gtg little brother. I love you and mom and dad soo much. I can’t believe they kept us a secret from you.

The boy checked the closet. He saw the carvings. Was it true? He surfed the internet and information was there about the anonymous murder in the house. The next morning the boy went downstairs. It was so quiet.

Maybe his parents were sleeping Hours later the boy found
parents in their closet skinned and hanged. Then he found more carvings on the ground. They said ”I TOLD YOU I WASN’T LYING LITTLE BROTHER, I LOVED MOM AND DAD…. BUT THEY KEPT ME A SECRET.

I CAN’T BELIEVE
THEY HID ME FROM YOU WELL I’M FREE FROM THIS COLD WORLD, I WON’T HURT YOU LIKE I HURT them
I LOVE YOU!"
- LISA SMITH

This is a death chain letter. If you don’t repost this in the next hour, the parents from the story will kill you at night.

They will kill you!
DON’T BELIEVE ME? LOOK IT UP IN GOOGLE!
gurls repost as- a pic of my bf
boys repost as-a pic of my gf

DONT LOOK IT UP IN GOOGLE, THIS CHAIN HAS BEEN GOING FOR YEARS AND PEOPLE ARE MAKING SH*T OF IT.

Depending on what version of the story you recieved, there’s some flaws.
Like if she had something sharp to carve into the wood, why didn’t she stab her attacker?
if it really did happen then people would see it on tv and they would have a tape of the whole crime scene. and it proably wasnt "and urban legend that happened a long long time ago" becuase they were like IMing. anyway… i think not.
Also how would a ghost instant message someone
IM didint fully start till 1997 so how could this of happened.
Rather than running and screaming she hides in the closet.

WTF…
Stop posting the chain letters they are bull.

I LOVE Chain letters !!! I take an almost sadistic Delight -in Deleting them as FAST as I can ! …-Used to be; I’d forward them off to all the People (& Businesses) I Hated… -But THAT didn’t "work", because I’d always get TWICE as many of the SAME ONES- back ! Now, I just "mow them down", & KNOW that I am making the World (Wide Web)- a better Place!

Ok, I am currently majoring in Secondary Education Social Studies at Penn State, but lately I have been seriously thinking about changing it, because I don’t know if staying in one place and being a teacher my whole life is for me. I have considered Cultural Anthropology, Journalism, and Archaeology but have decided against all of them.

I feel I need to help people, and that is what I want to do, but not like the teacher, social worker way. I want to help the people who REALLY need it, like the starving people in Africa, or the people in Haiti. Which brings me to the fact that I want to travel. I am so tired of being in urban/suburban areas, I want to see somewhere different, I want to experience a new culture, I want to meet new people. I also don’t want to travel forever, I want to eventually be able to settle down and have a family, and having a family with a job that requires constant travel makes everyone else’s life hell, and I really don’t want to do that to my kids.

I have considered applying for the Peace Corp, but it is unbelievably hard to get accepted. I have also considered joining the Navy or Army.

I am so confused with what I want to do right now, and to be honest it’s kind of making me a tad depressed, but I really need some help with my decision, so.. please help me out.

you need to became an Emergency medical technician. you’ll never regret it.!!!! just try it. you’ll love it!!!!

Everybody knows New York City is an expensive place to live. But the United Nations wants to know if affordable housing is so tough to come by that it actually violates human rights.

The United Nations has assigned an official, “a special rapporteur on the right to adequate housing,” to check the city’s affordable housing. The rapporteur, Raquel Rolnik, is to tour the city for the next three days with housing advocates and city officials to “hear the voices of those who are suffering on the ground,” she said.

The United Nations Human Rights Council appoints a rapporteur, or independent experts, to investigate human rights conditions around the world. In the case of Ms. Rolnik, a professor of urban planning at the University of Sao Paulo in Brazil, her “mission” is to tour New York City and six other places in the United States and to report back to the United Nations General Assembly about housing rights violations and advances.

After that, “We send off letters to governments to ask, ‘Is this true? What’s going on?’ and to please intervene,” she said.

Housing advocates will be taking Ms. Rolnik to the Atlantic Yards site in Brooklyn to see the results of the government’s use of eminent domain to seize property; to the New York City Housing Authority’s Grant Houses in Harlem to see how public housing residents live; and to the Bronx to meet residents whose landlords are in foreclosure.
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/23/special-rapportuer/

Worthless organization.

A Sad Story

I am a single working mother and going to college for a better life for my three year child and myself. I am taking a course called "Urban Community." We were asked to do a major project on problems in the Urban Communities. I choose the topic Homeless."

Each day I would walk the streets of the homeless and offer them something to drink and to eat. I know its tough to survival on the streets. Last night I ran into a group of 30 kids who were living on the streets on NY. I spoke to a few of them. They were ages 13 to 16. My heart went out to them and I just wanted to cry. I had to be strong. One girl who is pregnant and her boyfriend was very supportive toward her but I had told all of them about the Convent House, that there is help out there.

I told her she needs the proper care for her child’s needs. She told me that she has been taken care of her child and that she will do the right thing. My heart was broken when I saw all these children on the streets of New York.

They told me they traveled all over the place as a group. Some of them said they hooker and panhandle and do odd jobs for people. None of them were high on drugs nor were they drinking. At least not this group. I asked about their families and if they contact them to let them know they were alive. Most of them said, "NO.’ They all look like a happy family and they took care of one another. I really tried to persuade them to get help and to contact their families but they did not want to. I did not want to push the issue.

All these kids were very respectful. Some of them enjoyed reading and writing. They said their education is important to them but they teach each other. Some of them enjoyed skate boarding, dancing and playing music.

One girl asked me if I could give her a hug and I did. She started to cry and said, "Thank you for not treating us as freaks like everyone else does. People don’t realize that we all have our own problems but some are worse then others." She told me that her stepfather was sexually abusing her and her mother did not believe her. She ran away." Her street name is little Mary.

They were good kids just trying to make ends meet. I told them that I don’t have much to offer because I am a single Mom just making ends met. I had offered them sandwiches and soda. They were so happy to have something to eat and told me that I can’t change the world but at least there is someone who really cares.

I cried and told them to be save and to please be careful because we all live in a dangerous world. They told me that they are moving to a new area and did not say where. God Bless these Children.

Then I killed every one of them with my machine gun

Considering the very last sentence that is several spaces below this touching story, I’d say that you have a vivid imagination. Considering that you also know how to hide your Q&A, I’d say that you are familiar with how YA works.

What that tells me is that you are someone who is very, very bored, and somehow feels that your sick story is funny. (based upon your last line that you have to scroll further down: Then I killed every one of them with my machine gun").

Someone who feels that this is funny needs to find something better to do with their time.

This is going to be a long story. Very very long story so be prepared.

Ok so, last week this girl asked me out to go shopping with her. I went to the mall with her, spent a good 6 hours walking around. I didnt know if i really wanted to date her at that time so i wasnt sure if it was a date or not…

So after going to the mall, she invited me to join her at her friend’s place. Her friend was having a sober party. So we go to the party as "friends" and the party lasts untill about 2 am… which is when everyoen else leaves and this girl tells me she’s sleeping over. She asks me to stay abit longer…

Ok so we go into the host’s room with the host and we watch a movie in the dark… up at one point, the host is kind of akward so she asks me if i’ve ever made out with anyone. I say yes i have. Then she asks the girl who asked me out if she’s ever made out. She says no.

So the host tells her. Why dont you get some practise? you have a guy right here. At that point i was kind of.. wow o_o. shocked.

But i made out with her. Then i went home.

I guess i fell in love that night…. Anyways

Two days later, we go out on a date and it was pretty crappy. I failed miserably because i didnt really plan anything out and it ended up as her taking me on the date. We went downtown and bought 3 concert tickets to a rock show fridaynight. One ticket for me and one for her and one for her friend ( i paid). After buying tickets we go back to our sub-urban neighboorhood and we have dinner etc etc…

The her friend (my good friend as well) shows up and we hang out for a bit… Eventually it gets late and i escort my new ladyfriend home. She says she’ll call friday during the day to say when we’d meet up to go down to the concert.

So on friday… I’m calling calling calling and she’s not picking up at all…

then at around 5:00 her friend (also my friend) calls and tells me to meet up. So i meet up and she comes up to me with 50 bucks and hands it to me. She says she bails out on the concert and my new girlfriend is bailing too (they were talking)… Aparently she’s having lots of trouble and not feeling well..

So i’m not sure what to do. I’ve lost some money and i have no people to go to the concert with… then at 6:18, 1 hr before we leave, my girlfriend finnally calls me. She says that she doesnt think this is the right time for a relationship and that she’s so sorry about what she’s done and she didnt mean to hurt me if she did…

I’m all like.. wtf. shocked but calm… Phone call lasted 20 seconds or less.

Later that night at around 2 am, her friend (my friend also) calls me and says that they spent the night shopping downtown… She tells me that my girlfriend was really down the entirenight and she says that she thinks my girlfriend is "unsure and confused". I ask her what the hell i’m supposed to do. She gives me her advice. She says wait it out. "if you try to talk to her, you might scare her off". she says that my girlfriend will call me when she’s calmed down. So i’m like ok.. i’ll wait…

All this time, however, i want to talk to her soo badly. I have no idea whats going on. The last time we spoke, we exchanged like 5 words. My friend is still telling me to wait it out but she isnt saying how long to wait. My other friend, however says that the longer that people wait, the more likely they’ll decide to say no to me because once you think things through, you end up saying no.

On facebook, i’ve seen that one of my friends wrote on my girlfriend’s wall asking about her "new bf"… and my gf responds with "its complicated"… Does that mean we’ve broken up or what?

To sum it up the relationship story:
We kissed our first "date"
We went out two or three times
She already said she wanted me to be with her.

So my question is… it’s been 5 days now since i’ve talked to my (ex)girlfriend. I have no idea what she’s thinking. She seems to be compromised between a break up and a relationship. I dont want to call her and scare her off… The friend who told me that actually knows her really well. But then again… should i call? if not, when should i?

Writing her is not so "in your face" or threatening. It will also peak her curiosity.

I would keep it short.

Things like: I like you. I’m thinking of you. I’d like to talk when you’re ready. I’m sorry if anything I did caused you heartache or confusion.

Good luck, man. Must of been a passionate make out session!

I ask because there is more inbreeding that takes place out in the country. People in isolated population groups don’t know as many people and out in the sticks you may have to drive around more to meet people.

Inbred people are smaller and less intelligent, on average. Have you seen people stutter more out in the country? This is one flaw which can arise from inbreeding.

The country inbreeds are mostly just fictional stories. Though, it does happen. Just not as bad as people make it out to be.

I went to a small school in a small town and believe me when I say that we are anything but small. Most people in my class were above 6 foot tall. Though, I was only 5’10”. I was actually pretty small compared to most. It sucked.

We were also a fairly intelligent class. At least half of us graduated with 7 science, 6 math and 3 foreign language credits. We considered you an idiot if you didn’t take Spanish and French and make it to pre-cal before graduation.

So, you are just following stereotypes. I don’t know the statistics but there were no inbreeds in my community, as far as I know, and we were all pretty decent when it came to intelligence and size.

4.One major effect of economic interdependence is that when you face a natural disaster, like a hurricane or earthquake, the disaster

A.will always cause decline in the demand for crude oil in the nation hit by the disaster.
B.can have negative impacts on the economies of nations not directly hit by the disaster.
C.will not have an effect on the total available supply of food in the world.
D.will require that countries around the world come to the aid of the nation hit by the disaster.

5.One effect of globalization is the huge role mass media plays in
A.outsourcing.
B.cultural diffusion.
C.multinational corporations.
D.traditional cultures.
\6.A movement that ensures that fair prices are paid to farmers in developing countries is called

A.ASEAN.
B.free trade.
C.fair trade.
D.the World Trade Organization.
7.The increasing interdependence of the world’s countries has been accompanied by the dramatic growth of

A.multinational corporations.
B.oil-producing regions of the Middle East.
C.population movement to urban areas because jobs are scarce.
D.attempts to increase oil consumption with new energy sources.
8.Opponents of free trade

A.believe that it does not provide new markets for goods.
B.support the work of the World Trade Organization.
C.believe that it encourages practices that exploit workers and destroy the environment in developing countries.
D.do not support social responsibility in corporations.
9.What global social challenge spreads quickly and affects the health of many people?

A.Outbreak of contagious diseases
B.Famine
C.Mass migration
D.Lack of food resources
10.One global social challenge is the lack of quality health care in developing countries, which can have an effect on the life expectancy of the people there. Which continent’s average life expectancy is only 30 to 39 years?

A.Europe
B.South America
C.Asia
D.Africa
11.What are some of the main challenges facing large groups of people and countries around the world today?

A.Human rights abuses, poverty, disease and natural disasters
B.Countries are not able to meet the needs of consumers
C.Many people are moving to rural areas
D.NGOs are not responding to the financial needs of developing countries
12.Which of the following is a global challenge related to population?

A.Urbanization
B.Lack of family ties
C.Uneducated work force
D.Businesses unable to meet consumer needs
13.NGOs work to overcome social challenges by trying to improve the welfare of groups such as women, children, and indigenous peoples. What is an NGO?

A.The Universal Declaration of Human Rights group
B.A petition or treaty signed to improve human rights
C.A nongovernmental organization that provides services or promotes public policies
D.A globalization organization that provides services to the Red Cross
14.Examples of rapidly growing cities due to urbanization are

A.San Marino and Palau.
B.Sao Paolo and Mumbai.
C.Monaco and Andorra.
D.Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paolo.
15.Health issues, such as diseases becoming epidemics, are a growing social challenge because of

A.the spread of democracy leading to increases in immigration.
B.a type of pneumonia known as SARS appearing in China.
C.foreign aid failing to make an impact and increasing poverty.
D.international air travel, which allows diseases to spread rapidly, as infected people move from place to place.

4-b
5-c
6-c
8-b
10-d
11-a
13-c
14-d
15-d