Does this start to a book have potential? ( A little lengthy)?

I had a dream last night that prompted me to write. The genre would be a darker kind of romance between two people who really shouldn’t be together. Basically, good average girl falls for bad boy. What are your opinions guys? Does it capture your attention at all and make you want to know more? I’ve thought of writing for awhile and recently began recording my dreams in a journal to see if anything could come from them. What do you think?

I don’t know why I chose to go down that road that day, but I did, and that choice will linger in my mind forever.

Most of the time I always took the same route. You’ve read the papers and the watched the news. There are some pretty dangerous people out there these days, I’d think to myself. It was never worth the risk going into uncharted territory. But, for some reason, today it was. “Oh what the hell,” I spoke out loud. It was a new subdivision. The tall, high rise apartments lingered in the sun-soaked valley commanding the sky. They were high, about forty stories high. The exterior was covered more so in glass then frame and they were shiny reflecting off the sun. This street was all new. The city’s way of trying to adapt to the modern times. On it’s own, Everglenn was a decent sized town, about one hundred thousand people. Today, it was about sixteen degrees outside. A warm, spring day. The wind blew through my long, dark hair cascading shivers that rippled down my spine. I pulled by bret out from the side of my bag, gathered half of my hair and clipped it. This way, the wind wouldn’t blow all the tendrils on my face. I kept walking, slowly, admiring the views of all the modern architecture. It was all very urban, but still the city managed to keep some aspects of nature. There were many trees and a lot of greenery. For a newer neighbourhood, it was dead. I guess a lot of people were at work. I mean, it was one-thirty in the afternoon. I worked, but only part-time in the evenings three nights a week and occassional weekends at the Starbucks a few blocks away. I’m currently enrolled at Everglenn University, hoping to come out with a degree in law. Right now, classes were finished for the day and I was heading home for some much needed study time. Exams were in two weeks and I already put off studying for a while. My building, was past all these newer, nicer ones in an older subdivision just a few blocks away. Again, it was an older building, but modest for a student to be able to afford. Mom and Dad helped me a lot with that one, insisting to pay for my residency including utilities. I told them I could share a dorm close to school with everyone else, that I didn’t mind but they insisted I have my own place so that I could have privacy. I was a pretty private person. I had one best friend–Jillian and many aquaintances. I was nearing the end of the street where I’d turn left down Fernbrook to get to my complex, when I heard the footsteps of someone behind me. I looked back and sure enough someone was there. It was a guy, definately older then me. Me being in my early twenties, twenty-three to be exact and this guy had to be in his early thirties. He had medium-length brown hair the was cut just above his shoulders with a tinge of blond to it. It too glistened in the sunlight like everything else around me. He wore a dark purple shirt underneath a black vest with matching black chinos and black boots. I turned again, this time I looked at his face. Oh my God, I thought to myself. He had two scars coming up from each end of his lips into his cheeks, very noticeable. I tried not to make a face. Something bad had happened to him at some point. His eyes met mine. It was as if he was smiling, the way his scars were portruding his face. I looked forward again, not wanting to admit to myself how uncomfortable I was feeling. For some reason, I don’t know what it was, I turned all the way to face him this time. He met my eyes again and moved closer to me, step by step, until his face and those scars were inches away from my face. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. I could feel the spring breeze mixed with his warm breath running down my neck. My whole body tingled. I didn’t know this man, but for whatever god foresaken reason, I wanted him to touch me. That’s when he did. He cupped my face in his muscular hands and searched it as if he were looking for something. Then, he let go. I just stood there, staring at him in awe. I couldn’t speak, nothing. What was happening to me? What was I doing with this person I didn’t even know?

Once he let go, he turned and looked as if he were about to walk away. I stood in silence, still frozen, just staring at this wondrous person. He turned again and looked at me. “Do you wanna come up?” He pointed to the building to the left of him. It was one of the buildings I had been admiring before all of this happened. “Sure,” I said simply. I didn’t even know this p

I’m of two minds about this. Your plot is a little cliched and over done, but I don’t think that’s anything you really need to worry about. After all, every story ever written is generally based on a few broad concepts (good vs. evil, impossible love, etc.).

You didn’t say where you intended to go with this story, nor how long it will be. Is it going to be book length? A short story? If it’s a short story, you’re on the right track, having jumped right into the thick of the plot. If it’s book length (and without knowing your plot intentions), I’d venture to say that you’ve gone too far, too fast. I know very little about your protagonist and that makes it really hard for a reader to get into the story and relate to the character.

Lastly, you need to format your story properly. What you’ve got here is one long, HUGE paragraph, and it’s really hard to read. I’m going to assume that you were forced by Y!A to do that so you could fit more in, but if not, you’re going to have to revamp.

All in all, it’s got some potential, but it needs work. I like how you write – descriptive, clear, interesting – and you could probably create a great story with your beginning. Have people you trust read your work and critique and edit it. Good luck!